Just Another Day at the Art Fair


Here’s a special story an artist friend wrote. Then he waited to see if it would get published. Well, here goes:

jackstoddart.comI did a show down in Birmingham last weekend….”Magic City.” There was a photographer down a few booths from me. Part time guy…his first show….His work was all black and white….not horrible..nice imagery. Not great subject.

He was a banker by trade and very conservative. I noticed a W sticker on his red SUV. Odd for an art show exhibitor, but as I said he has a job in a bank so he’s just ——- around doing this show. As the weekend went by I engaged him in some chat.

We passed him going and coming for breaks……so a few of the boys were destined to walk by his booth 3 or 4 times a day. I’m certain our demeanor seemed odd to him on the coming back. Finally he joined us in the old freak craftsmen circle…and of course…we jumped him.

He was cool and just spoke his rational in regard to greed and what not….and then…somehow…..the conversation turned to Bill Clinton..and he turned mean…….”How could a man demean and debauch the Whitehouse by committing such an act?” This guy…his name was Shelby something……something really w—-……as if naming a guy Shelby isn’t w—- enough…..This guy was truly and honestly appalled at Clinton’s b— — …..Shelby was so upset..however he still couldn’t say the words b— —.

……..It wasn’t Sunday , but we were standing near a real nice old Church. Maybe that curbed his tongue. He was truly very upset by Clinton’s ——- a —– up ——‘s ——.

I mean I really could see he was as honest as Jim Beam Whiskey. I couldn’t stand there and let him get away with not saying…or at very least not hearing the word b— — so ……I accused Shelby the non disrupt photographer……. could it be…….that he was merely channeling his anger towards Bill…when in truth it was his wife he was mad at?

Shelby was pretty small and he wore a funny hat…..I felt confident he wouldn’t attack me. I really expected him to get mad and give me some s— for having the nerve to insert my opinions into his personal life……but no…he looked right at me and sighed. He couldn’t remember his last b— —. Now I knew. Now I know…..conservatives are by and large unb—- ……and the fact is the unb—- must be protected. It is the rights of the unb—- to even exist that must be preserved.

Shelby…the moderately sane but boring photographer from Birmingham Alabama………could not get his wife to put — in her —–. Because of this there is no way he could support any liberal (if only Clinton had been liberal) point of view.

Poor Shelby……..he doesn’t really hate the poor, he just resists the programs designed to feed and house the poor. He’s a banker……So he had me. I felt sorry for him ……a little. As the show ended I noticed a red SUV with a W sticker having trouble backing in to load up. Shelby’s wife, dressed like a 40 year old DI Gi, weighing in at maybe 90 pounds was having trouble getting into position, to load Shelby’s “Art” into the red SUV with the W sticker.

Being a pig myself I couldn’t figure out why Shelby was letting his wife do the parking. Turned out it wasn’t up to him. So i stepped over to help…give her the old “come on back” and “cut it hard”….typical parking help that all old craft hippies give each other. By late Sunday most of us are somewhat disadvantaged.

She rolls her window down and stops the car. “How do I know I can trust you?” she accuses. In over 30 years of one addled freak helping another, this was the first incident of accusal. She thought I would want her to wreck her SUV, that I would back her up into some old white van on purpose.

I teased her about the sticker…..told her she was surrounded by commie freaks, senses dulled from 4 days of downtown Birmingham carbon monoxide. I suggested she scrape the sticker off before one of these right brainers go off in some post craft show frenzy. “I’ve seen them snap,” I told her. “It isn’t pretty. Often we have to form an immediate drum circle.”

Finally we got her backed in…..I was determined that she accept my help. I did it for Shelby. This 90 pound, corn cob wearing sorority mannequin had been bossing poor Shelby for years….After I imposed my will and got her parked…she rolled down her window ..I was certain to thank me. Opened her tight little mouth just enough and said…..”we pay most of the taxes.”

Damn……..how can I argue with that.

Thanks for the story, Jack.

Want to read the unexpurgated version? Email Jack at this address: hippiejack62@yahoo.com

In the photo above Reid Elizabeth sprinkles some fairy dust on her grandfather, Jack Stoddart, aka Hippie Jack.


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